Radically Changing your Life Direction

{ VISION: RADICAL REDIRECTION STEP 1 }

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE RADICAL REDIRECTION METHOD TO CREATING YOUR IDEAL LIFE

“This isn’t right…”

I was journaling in my sunlit room in Berkeley one evening after work, reflecting on my career accomplishments so far. (I was always striving for more. Self-improvement and growth are a way of life!)

It’s 2018, I’m 25. I’m one of the youngest leads in my company. (“You’re speed running it!” - my friend Alex called it.) I’ve been a lead for a few months now, I’ve adjusted to the job and the amount of meetings, and this new project is really exciting. I come to work ready to crush it every day.

That evening I’m journaling in utter gratitude and pride: I’ve made it to my dream company, I’ve adapted well to “adulting,” I’ve been super proactive with finding medical help for my Lyme disease and hypothyroidism for the past 3 years, I’m balancing 50+ hours of work a week with my health challenges, I’m working out regularly and cooking 90% of my meals. I’m in a great loving relationship. I’m almost done paying off my student loans - at 25! So young!

And now, they took a chance on me and gave me the promotion!

“If I keep going at this rate,” I was thinking that evening, “I’ll be a supervisor in 5 years.. or sooner!” Supervisor at 30.. what an achievement!

And maybe, maybe even the highest level technical role by 35-37… if everything goes well…

And I, excited by these dreams, did a little exercise.

My current lead role will last until early 2020, then I’ll take a short break, apply for another lead role, then apply for a supervisor role, then… And yes, if I do everything really well and try my darn best (as I always do), there’s a chance that I can reach the highest level on this track by 35! In just 10 years!!

Wait a minute…

The setting sun is casting an orange glow on my journal. I’m sitting in a meditative trance, calculating and projecting ahead a brilliant future of success and recognition and an admirable skyrocketing career.

“I don’t want it.”

I don’t want it.

WHAT??

Wait…

I’m projecting ahead a brilliant future of success. And seeing the current successful leaders of my company as examples in my mind: overworked, stressed out, stretched thin, “putting out fires” daily, barely seeing their kids, checking emails on vacations, joking about “never having enough time.”

I see it every day right in front of me - what that future looks like. I overhear their pre-meeting conversations, or talk with them as we walk to our next meeting. The positions and roles that I’m aiming for, I see people in them, and I see their daily reality.

And I don’t want it!

They all seem accepting of it, but to me, it looks like a hamster wheel that only spins faster and faster as time goes on. Even if I do EVERYTHING right, if I achieve ALL of my goals, try my BEST, work my HARDEST - the “brilliant” future ahead of me doesn’t seem all that great! If I continue “speed running” my career (and having great luck along the way) and achieve the highest level by 35-37, I would feel… utterly stuck.

So hold on… if I don’t want that life when I’m 35… what DO I want?

I realized that day, that the best case scenario of staying on my current track STILL didn’t bring me where I truly wanted to go.

This is how you know it’s time to redirect.

And the truth is, there were signs to redirect for quite some time. From my health challenges at 22, brought on by stress and survival mode, to wishing that I could switch to the art department, to feeling like “pulling teeth” when I had to do certain tasks at work, to searching for the sense of “I’m making a difference” in volunteering (which was hard to do with undermined health and 50+ hours of work per week).

But the biggest sign was: a growing, mounting, nagging, overwhelming, persistent feeling of dissatisfaction.

“There’s gotta be more to life.”

“Why am I STILL not happy…”

“Why can’t I just be grateful for what I have??”

A few months prior to that pivotal evening, I was with my boyfriend and his parents in the mountains of North Carolina, and we discussed what would happen if I got the lead role, and what would happen if I didn’t. I told him that if I didn’t get it, I’d begin planning my exit. What no one else knew was: me applying for the promotion was a last desperate effort to enjoy my job and get what I needed out of it: a sense of purpose, fulfillment, and accomplishment. Everyone else around me seemed to have these things - they were truly happy there - and I, for some reason, did not. No matter how hard I worked.

And then there was the SHAME. My life was amazing, I had so much going for me. I was on a stellar leadership track. At a company most people only dream of. With vacations, benefits, and a loving partner. Everyone is so proud of me. I showed my family that I can do it. What the hell, excuse me, was I complaining about?? I stifled my feelings and blamed myself for being ungrateful and broken.

And all the while, the mounting, nagging, persistent feeling of dissatisfaction GREW.

This is how you know it’s time to redirect.

“What do I truly want for myself in 10 years?”

The sun was setting, and I did another exercise. 10 years felt like such a long time. But ideally, optimistically, magically, what did I always want for myself by age 35?

With my eyes closed, I breathed deeply, grounded, and caught glimpses of a blurry, fuzzy vision.

Me, 35, happy. Happy, happy, truly happy. In the midday sunshine, with my children, outside. In a garden? Among plants and flowers? Next to our house? Just playing in the middle of the day.

Yes.

Yes, that’s it.

Blurry, vague, unclear, short, fleeting - this vision was ENOUGH.

This vision was enough to radically change my trajectory and pivot me towards a totally different life.

Because I immediately realized that if I don’t change anything, if I keep going along my current track of “success,” I simply won’t get there. The vectors didn’t match.

I needed to shift my direction if I wanted to have all that by 35.

My fleeting vision told me some key details: ideally, by 35, I can afford a house, I have multiple children, and I am free to spend time with them in the middle of the day. And if I stayed at my company and grew my career, well… I saw the examples of leaders all around me, and knew this wasn’t their reality.

And suddenly, so much began to make sense:

My constant dissatisfaction with my life
The painful lack of meaning in my days
The fruitless search for something to make me feel rewarded and needed
Only feeling truly “alive” and excited on adventures and travels
Feeling, again and again, like nothing I achieve is enough

It all made sense! Because I WASN’T HEADING WHERE I WANTED TO GO.

And I didn’t even realize it.

So many people miss the cue: “where you’re headed isn’t actually where you want to be.”

Either ignore it, or never know to look for it, or simply make themselves too busy to notice.

This leads to all kinds of painful feelings that we tend to, once again, ignore - or stifle - or distract ourselves from. Numbing out on evenings with fun nights out with friends. Escaping from our reality on weekends, just to get a hit of “I’m alive and all of this means something.”

Eventually, this is how midlife crisis happens.

But all of this is preventable. The solution, at the core, is quite simple:

Change your direction.

If you realize that you’re headed towards what you don’t want, identify what you DO want and pivot towards it.

This is where some people take a long soul-searching sabbatical, go traveling the world, sell their things and become digital nomads - but before you go, let’s create a strategy and do some soul-searching right where you are! Here’s a free masterclass to help you out.

Of course, simple does not mean easy. Especially when your identity is tied to your job, when everyone else is proud of your success, when the job is stable and pays well, and when you simply don’t know what else you would do.

Redirection always begins with a vision.

A vision of your ideal life, where you truly want to be, what you’ve always wanted for yourself.

How to create a vision

Start by asking yourself: “10 years from now, what kind of life would feel amazing?”

The vision can be simple and vague, like mine was. That’s enough to start: it’ll tell you whether the trajectory you’re currently on is taking you there, or not.

Over time, keep coming back to your vision and fleshing it out with details. Where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? What do you have? What do you look like?

The vision should evoke a strong emotional response - that’s how you know it’s connected to your deepest soul desires. If the vision is not yet “so beautiful and exciting I could cry,” then it could be bigger! Bolder, crazier, wilder! Keep looking, bravely. Your soul has the answers.

If it’s really hard to envision your ideal life, start with what feels dissatisfying right now. What areas of life are you not entirely happy with? Finances, relationship, friendships, community, health, job, career path, hobbies, housing? The more aspects of life you’re NOT happy with, the further your trajectory is pointing AWAY from where you want to go. Which areas need the most change in order to feel good?

Notice what you’re jealous of in others. Are you scrolling social media with envy and bitterness (I was!), or even just thoughts of, “ah, one day?” These are clues about what you want for yourself.

You want what you want for a reason. Feeling guilty about it doesn’t help, because the desire won’t go away. What if you allowed yourself to want it? What if it’s meant to be part of your vision for your ideal life?

Notice the clues, everywhere, all day. Clues pointing you towards your needs and wishes.

( ready to create your vision? Watch this! )

“It’s no use”

What I’ve noticed through years of coaching and my own experience is that: it’s not for lack of dreaming that we don’t change direction. It’s for lack of belief.

Sitting in my room in Berkeley that evening, having just had really intense life-changing revelations, I was both elated and lost: elated that my nagging feelings finally make sense, and totally lost on what to do now.

“What do I do with this? Just quit my job? Look for a new career? Take a class? Find a retreat somewhere in South America to hopefully get clarity on my purpose (seems to work for other people..)?”

I didn’t know where to start, but I knew it was right.

But this is where many people talk themselves out of it. Not knowing the steps to take undermines our belief and confidence.

And it makes sense! All throughout our lives, we are given the “steps:” here’s what to do to succeed in school, what to do to get a job, what to do to make money, bills and responsibilities you’ll have to take care of. And if we aren’t sure of the steps, a quick internet search solves the problem: how to get fit, how to invest, how to buy a car, apply for a mortgage, get a tourist visa, care for a plant, bake a soufflé.

But no one gives us the steps to find ourselves amidst it all.

So when we realize that our trajectory is off, our “ship” has drifted off-course, and that changing our life direction will realign us with our goals and dreams - it’s the UNKNOWN that stops us from moving forward.

We talk ourselves out of what we believe is right when we don’t know how to make it happen.

So if you have a vision for your future, and know that your current trajectory isn’t taking you there, where do you begin?

The “HOW”

I had my big realization in late 2018. I didn’t announce that I’m quitting until two years later. What I did in-between was:

I expanded my vision, getting clearer on what I truly wanted
I build up my confidence, my trust in myself, and my belief that I’m worthy of the things I want
I read a lot of self-help books on happiness, purpose, and achieving goals
I found many role models online who were living out their dreams - just to see how they did it, even if their dream life wasn’t my dream life
I researched the topics I was most passionate about (both to learn more, and to see potential career avenues)
I took the time to journal, meditate, heal, and soul-search within myself - to get clearer on my priorities, my wishes, and what makes me, me
I strategized with my husband on how to make my pivot: what to do about finances, what further education I might need, what the first steps are, how to shift our schedule and lifestyle to accommodate it all

Through all of this, my vision was my lighthouse, my North Star, and my biggest motivator. It kept me going even when times were extra tough or when I was deep in self-doubt. It kept me going through burnout, financial crises, and fears. I put power into my vision, and it gave me power back when I needed it most.

My process was not linear or quick by any means, but over time I distilled it into a framework that others can follow. If lack of clear steps is stopping you from believing in the possibility of your vision, here are some high level steps to try on for size (above)!

We can distill and simplify them even further. At the core, what I needed to make my vision happen was:

Seeing ahead: seeing, through the example of others, that it CAN be done
Strategy: mapping a way to get me from point A to my desired point B (which included growth, learning, and continued education)
Self-belief: confidence, trust in myself, and unwavering belief that what I’m doing is right for me and that I can achieve my dreams
Support: from coaches and mentors to books and podcasts, and most importantly: my inner circle of people who amplified my self-belief (and not the self-doubt)

That last piece is crucial. What I’m finding as I work with more and more clients is that often, the most well-meaning, loving people amplify our self-doubt instead of our self-belief. This harms more than it helps.

You don’t need another person telling you why you can’t have something.

You need more people showing you your own power and potential.

Which is why I’d love to support you with all of this.

⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️

Your Next (First?) Steps

You’re curious about pivoting your life in a new direction. Here are some things you can do right away to start.

➛ If you’re not sure about your life direction:

Journal prompts for clarity on direction

What do you really want for yourself in this lifetime? (Love, wealth, stability, safety, fulfillment, connection, experiences, luxury, learning, health, beauty, adventure?)
What would make your life right now a 10 out of 10? List everything that comes up!
What’s the biggest thing that’s missing in your life right now?
What’s really important to you right now? (It can be goals, possessions, qualities, people, etc.)
What are you most passionate about? (It can be activities, causes, people, opinions, etc.)
What’s a big change you’d want to see in the world? If anything was possible, how would you want to contribute to making this change a reality?